Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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