i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
