He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
