you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
