her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
