god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
