I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
