You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
