And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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