The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
