Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
