i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
