My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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