I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
