you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
