My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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