Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
