Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
