you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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