Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
