Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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