she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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