How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize