shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
