It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize