nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
