Where are you?
In a non slutty way
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize