i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
