We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
