8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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