I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
