did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
