Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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