If i come over, it means nothing
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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