i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
