i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
