Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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