Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
