Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
