Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
