Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
