Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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