Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
