Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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