..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
