Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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