i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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