I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Michael Bay diarrhea
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
