and she was petting her beer can
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
