I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
