i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
