And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
