So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
