Your tits are I can't wait for
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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