My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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