She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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