Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
