Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
