I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
