I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
