Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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