i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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