just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
