I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
