You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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