Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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