Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
