Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize