its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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